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 A Poem I've written

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EvelynPierce

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Posts : 14
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Join date : 2012-02-25
Age : 21
Location : Oklahoma

PostSubject: A Poem I've written   Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:44 pm

I look at the stars.
Wondering if they are lost souls.

I look at the moon.
Wondering if it's the heart of lost souls.

I wait for you to contact me.
Stay up late at night.

Waiting for you.
To hold me tight.

I hear your whisper.
Have you been near?

Mother.
Let your spirit rest.

-----

I'm looking for serious critique. I know it's not my best work. But I want to become a better writer.
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Morticia Masquerade
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Posts : 187
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Join date : 2012-02-25
Age : 26
Location : Necropolis

PostSubject: Re: A Poem I've written   Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:38 am

Lady Janet Vanity wrote:
Sorry beautiful. This poem is lacking everything that needs to be a poem. Try again sweetie then post it! xoxo - Janet

Janet,
This post lacks everything that it needs to be a posts. Learn how to criticize creatively to help Evelyn become a better writer. That's what this forum is all about.

Evelyn,
It's a good basis for a poem. Reach deeper into the emotion you are trying to capture within your writing. Feel free to post a revision if you'd like! Keep writing!
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EvelynPierce

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Posts : 14
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Join date : 2012-02-25
Age : 21
Location : Oklahoma

PostSubject: Re: A Poem I've written   Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:27 pm

Morticia Masquerade wrote:
Lady Janet Vanity wrote:
Sorry beautiful. This poem is lacking everything that needs to be a poem. Try again sweetie then post it! xoxo - Janet

Janet,
This post lacks everything that it needs to be a posts. Learn how to criticize creatively to help Evelyn become a better writer. That's what this forum is all about.

Evelyn,
It's a good basis for a poem. Reach deeper into the emotion you are trying to capture within your writing. Feel free to post a revision if you'd like! Keep writing!

Thank you Morticia. Smile I get shy when I'm writing. I hold back my feelings when writing as a result. Thank you for the confidence.
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